Stopping to Smell the Roses

Stopping to Smell the Roses
Jim McPartland

I forgot how good women smell. Not from perfume—just themselves—some innate part of their chemistry and being.

This morning I got a hug from one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever met. Actually, it was more like a ‘caveman first date’ than a hug. I slung her over my shoulder and danced around a bit in a mating ritual because I was so happy to see her. (She liked it.) I do think she’s out of my league—she’s in the Majors and I’m whiffing at Tee Ball. Michelle is just classy in every sense.

Minutes after I put her down, I turned my head to listen to what someone was saying and found my jacket and sweatshirt provoking a deep nasal swell. My nostrils were filled with the most incredible aroma. Better than 93 octane. Sweeter than Mom’s Apple Pie. More intense than a stomach growl at a pizza house when you’re starving. Just—invigorating. I wanted to devour it. Bathe in it. It reminded me of Poltergeist when Carol Anne spiritually moves through Diane Freeling—“I can SMELL her on my clothes!”

And, as it says in Genesis, “It was good.”

I clearly remember the last time this happened. I met a Facebook friend I had previously only known in cyberspace and we ended up kissing in my car. The next morning I got up and the shirt I had on was saturated with her natural bouquet. It immediately brought a smile to my face, like the world (and at least the day) was a whole lot better.

Don Henley once sang in the most excellent song, Driving with Your Eyes Closed—

You Yankees are so silly
About matters of the heart.
Don’t you know that women
Are the only works of art?

Another thing that pops into my mind when I think about a woman’s intrinsic beauty is a scene from one of my favorite movies—High Fidelity. In this scene, Rob (John Cusack) describes the Top Five Things I Miss about Laura (his former girlfriend)—

Rob: Top five things I miss about Laura. One; sense of humor. Very dry, but it can also be warm and forgiving. And she's got one of the best all time laughs in the history of all-time laughs, she laughs with her entire body. Two; she's got character. Or at least she had character before the Ian nightmare. She's loyal and honest, and she doesn't even take it out on people when she's having a bad day. That's character.

[holds up three fingers]

Rob: Three.

[long pause, hesitantly]

Rob: I miss her smell, and the way she tastes. It's a mystery of human chemistry and I don't understand it, some people, as far as their senses are concerned, just feel like home.

[shakes his head, recollecting, then looks back and lip synchs 'four' while holds up four fingers]

Rob: I really dig how she walks around. It's like she doesn't care how she looks or what she projects and it's not that she doesn't care, it's just, she's not affected I guess, and that gives her grace. And five; she does this thing in bed when she can't get to sleep, she kinda half moans and then rubs her feet together an equal number of times... it just kills me. Believe me, I mean, I could do a top five things about her that drive me crazy but it's just your garden variety women you know, schizo stuff and that's the kind of thing that got me here.

So Ladies—you can lay off the Clive Christian Imperial Majesty. Just be you. The natural pheromones will do the trick. Ask any male dog searching for his female love. They’ll break through electric fences. Men will too.

Jim McPartland is a freelance author and writer, specializing in humor and social commentary. ‘Like’ his “Mad Rumblings” page on Facebook. He can be reached at jbmcpart@yahoo.com